只寫了一次的田野日記

這是一篇將近兩個月之前的日記，還是要為田野中的挫折時光留下點記錄 (當然現在仍在挫折中)...

It has been 5 days since I arrived in Kunming. Last year this place looks so great. People are friendly, food are tasty; new and old friends made me feel like no problem doing my PhD research in this place.

Now I’m having enormous pressure. It seems that my research proposal is not getting much positive feedback. All the Chinese professors I’ve talked to suggest that NGO research is very difficult and probably sensitive. I also realise that not so many Yunnan’s NGO working on climate change project in the field. NGOs are mainly in the position of campaigning or education. The real work is the government’s job. Therefore, it may be difficult to use climate project as a case study for NGO research.

Meanwhile, my old friends are either achieving higher positing in NGO (which makes person less available/accessible to me) or leaving NGO sector (at least 2 of them). I see less possibility than last year for me to work from inside to gain information.

The weather is also cold here in Yunnan. It was sunny these days in Kunming. But tomorrow, the temperature is down to 8 degree maximum. In this city, no one use heater because people are used to the weather. In the mountainous area, the temperature already drops to minus 8 to 10. I have to say I’m not really use to cold weather, and even I was in New Haven I always stay in the heated room.

I just feel so frustrated. However, this is somehow expectable. I had a feeling that I may need to give up the idea of combing NGO study, local livelihood and climate change. One reason is that I already know that not so many NGOs in Yunnan working on climate projects in the field. The information from internet is very limited. But I still held some hope, and assume that it is because the NGOs here don’t like to update their work (which is also true). Another reason is that NGO in China is always a sensitive topic, especially if it is studied by a Taiwanese. I guess this is why that Chinese and western academics have very different reactions when they get to know that I’m trying to work on NGOs. Chinese usually advise me to forget about this idea, while westerner are very exciting to know someone wants to dig out (and write) more about NGOs in China.

So now, what should I do? Should I focus on climate change projects by NGOs on the field (then only afforestation projects are available), or focus on general climate project by NGOs (then give up local community)? Or should I focus on NGO dynamics , then forget about climate change but shift to maybe protected area or…? It is so chaotic to think about all these while worrying about living/travel cost and accommodation. I’m going to cry  2010-12-05